5 THINGS BEING A WEDDING PLANNER DURING COVID-19 HAS TAUGHT ME
As I'm sure for all industries, this global pandemic has changed the wedding world as we know it. For the last decade, I've served as a wedding planner in one of the Caribbean's top destinations to get married, Puerto Rico. I've guided couples from all over the world on their journey of planning one of their most significant celebrations. The wedding industry in Puerto Rico has overcome many other great difficulties, and while we know this won’t be the exception, it has got to be the hardest one to cope with so far.
Still, I've learned that there is an opportunity to grow, learn, and reshape our thoughts and actions from every crisis. As a wedding planner, this is what Covid-19 has taught me:
ONE: You can be vulnerable with your clients
I've probably had the most open and honest conversations with my couples during this pandemic than I've ever had. I learned that more than an everything-is-great, it's-all-under-control kind of wedding planner, they needed a friend and an advocate that was simultaneously trying to figure out how they could assist them in the best possible way.
It has been the first time that I allowed myself to say, "I don't have an answer for that right now. I am right there with you waiting on new information, but I'm hopeful that I will sort this out for you to the best of my abilities". I used to believe that a response like that for the stereotyped wedding planner that is supposed to know it all, do it all and hold it all together, was unacceptable. However, this vulnerable response caused a domino effect that made me relatable to my brides to see my side of the story, which invited acceptance and a more real sense of partnership. I listened to some of them cry about having to postpone, and for a moment, we were no longer our stereotypes; we weren't bridezilla and the know-it-all wedding planner; we allowed ourselves, under nerve-racking circumstances, to be human.
TWO: It's not about how big or luxurious the wedding is; it's genuinely about the meaning of the celebration
"Remember it's not only about the wedding; the most important thing is that you're also marrying the love of your life," is something we often say to calm a couple's nerves. Maybe something that we used to say as a cliché has become the embodiment of the truth for weddings today. It's really not about the 7-tier cake or the 200 embroidered dinner napkins anymore. It's about the privilege, the gift of being able to marry their partner during these times. Spreading love, continuing with their marriage plans when uncertainty is airing around is an act of courage for many couples today.
Couples today are focusing on their actual union in marriage instead of a big blow out of a wedding. There are many ways wedding planners can still make that celebration significant and exciting, with a small group of their dearest to witness. Covid-19 has taught me that priorities can be shifted and that you don't have to ponder or wait to plan a beautiful celebration. Small scale weddings are still weddings. Intimate celebrations are not anything new to wedding planners, they existed long before Covid-19, and a lot of us can agree that those are the most detailed oriented, impeccably designed, and joyous types of weddings.
THREE: Attaching my self-value to always being needed is a grand mistake
If I'm honest, my life before March 2020 revolved mostly around my couple's weddings and I also loved helping many of my dear colleagues on their events. I was happy to take calls outside office hours, reply to an email at midnight if I was up, and struggled with setting up healthy boundaries. The work pause that came as a result of Covid-19 confronted me with the uncomfortableness of not being needed. It’s like my self identification as the helper and the fixer, where suddenly taken away from me, because for once I couldn’t control or fix what was happening. I felt a bit lost without my weddings.
Wedding planners are the world's best helpers. We eat and breathe service, and It's easy to fall into the trap of attaching our self-value to helping everyone and using that as an armor. If I'm not helping, then what purpose do I have? Who am I without my weddings? I needed to humbly approach the fact that what I do was going to take a little while to pick up again, and in the mean time I could focus on self-help and nourishment. Covid-19 taught me that if I can't receive help wholeheartedly, neither will I be able to give help wholeheartedly. It also reinforced the importance of self-care because no one can pour out of an empty vase.
Having more time and energy to eat better, work out, read about what is going on in the world made me feel like I'm actually part of this world. That I can get involved with other things that matter to me, that wedding planning is what I absolutely love to do, but my self-worth and meaning is not defined by it.
FOUR: Your tribe matters
Can't say enough how your family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances will influence you, especially during vulnerable times. Our phones are, more than ever, the sole connection to the outside world. I felt that Instagram or Facebook posts of people talking about the Zoom meetings they had, the new language they were learning, the multiple entrepreneurship books they were reading, renovating their already beautiful homes, or making the whipped coffee that was all over TikTok, was a little draining. The quarantine productiveness announcements made me second guess how I was filling my newfound time because, honestly, mama didn't have the energy for any of that! I found that leaving unnecessary group chats and unfollowing accounts on social media liberated me from any pressure and helped narrow down the group of people I could rely on for comfort and healthy activity.
Of course, everyone is riding the waves as best as they know-how. While some of us need stillness and quiet to be able to figure out our next moves, some may need to learn mandarin, and it's all perfectly acceptable! During difficult times, know who your people are. Covid-19 taught me the importance of gathering your tribe inside your community and industry, the people with a similar mindset, that may also want to brainstorm and get creative with you while we are all figuring out our next steps.
FIVE: I'm essential, and so are you
While we'd much rather not have had to experience a global pandemic in the first place, we are experiencing a moment in history and an unexpected window to become more of the person we've always wanted to be. We can center more on the common good and be part of a more humane society. There has never been a time where my actions mattered more than right now. What I decide to do or not to do literally has a communal ripple effect on everyone else. Wearing a mask and social distancing has become a sign of solidarity and shared vulnerability between all of us.
We are essential, what we do is essential, and the message you carry out on our platform is essential. The larger weddings we don't get to coordinate today will affect those we hopefully get to work on for next year. Today's adversity can provide an opening to fix things for a better 2021 if we all decide to put in the effort. We've been granted a chance to shift perspectives and appreciate celebrating simpler moments.